Seven Signs That You May Need Marriage Counseling

A McHenry marriage counseling expert shares what he believes are indicators that a relationship may require the intervention of a counselor to regain a healthy emotional state a balance for both parties. 

7.  Growing Emotional Distance: typically the first sign that your relationship is headed for troubled waters is when the emotional distance between you and your partner increases.  Perhaps your partner is not verbally expressing their love for you as often as they once did.  Or maybe you find that your partner’s expressions of love no longer comfort you.  Annoyance with expressions of love is a sign of a growing emotional distance between you and your partner, and a growing emotional distance is an early indicator that your marriage or relationship may be in need of a counseling intervention. 

6.  Decreasing Interest: when two people love one another, they cannot help but to enjoy one another’s company.  Though everyone has different levels of interest (perhaps your partner never cared about what you ate for lunch), if you notice a sharp decline in you or your partner’s interest levels, then your relationship is losing its luster and intervention may be required to keep it healthy.  If your partner is not interested in hearing about important events that occur in your daily life, then your relationship is not in a positive state.  Similarly, if you find that you are no longer interested in hearing about major events that occur in your partner’s life, this clearly indicates a problem within the relationship that may require marriage counseling to resolve.

5.  Increasing Time Apart: as the emotional connection between you and your partner is weakened, it is likely that your relationship problems will begin to manifest themselves in your daily routines.  Perhaps your partner is no longer interested in taking the early morning or evening jog in which you both once partook.  Maybe you and your partner are no longer sharing mealtimes when you previously ate together regularly.  Maybe you used to share entertainment activities, like watching movies or reading books together, and now these activities occur with decreasing frequency.  It is important for you and your partner to share these daily rituals and that you both gain mutual enjoyment from these activities.  This is a sign of a healthy relationship.  Likewise, if your rituals have ceased or are beginning to cease, this is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.  At this point your relationship may require marriage counseling or remediation to return to a healthy state.

4.  Lack of Intimacy: a healthy relationship has a level of intimacy that is comfortable for both partners.  Intimacy is expressed sexually, but it is also expressed without “going all the way.”  In other words, a healthy relationship will have kissing, hand holding, touching, as well as sexual gratification, and both partners should be satisfied with the efforts of the other in reaching a sensual harmony.  If either party is regularly being denied the intimacy that he or she may desire, this may lead to feelings of resentment.

3.  Feelings of Resentment: blaming your partner for a life choice that you made, cursing or insulting your partner in your thoughts, or being unconcerned with the whereabouts or wellbeing of your partner are more then warning signs that your relationship is troubled.  These behaviors are clear indicators that your relationship is moving from troubled to toxic.  If you notice that your partner has made a significant change in their attitude toward you, perhaps through a series of snide comments or by displaying a general disconcert toward your presence, he or she may be harboring feelings of resentment and your relationship is in need of some form of intervention less the toxicity increases, poisoning whatever love remains.  Feelings of resentment will typically require outside assistance or marriage counseling to resolve.

2.  Name Calling:  veiled resentment is bad enough, but when the beast emerges to rear its ugly head, your relationship has gone from toxic to radioactive.  In other words, if you or your partner actively and regularly engage in the practice of name calling or otherwise intentionally attempt to hurt one another’s feelings, the situation demands the intervention from an outside party.  There is only one stronger sign that your relationship will require the assistance of a marriage counselor…

1.  Total Breakdown of Communication: The only thing worse than name calling and open resentment is a total lack of communication.  Though fighting regularly is undesirable and a clear indication that a relationship is troubled, some expression is generally better than no expression.  In the course of a fight, however, hurtful comments may be hurled which cause one party to completely shut down.  These comments cannot be taken back as something burned will never regain its original composition.  But that does not mean that the relationship is necessarily dead.  If there is something exists that is worth saving, it can be saved, but there is no clearer sign that marriage counseling is required to save a relationship as when communication has ceased.